RELATIONSHIP
THERAPY
Learn to Communicate
One
of the major problems in relationships is communication. Simply talking
things out is an essential factor, but it is much more easily said than
done. Why? The answer is that many people do not communicate effectively.
It is not that they don’t want to -- they may desperately want
to work out problems, explain viewpoints, discuss differences. The problem
may be that they cannot communicate because even with sensitive ears
they cannot hear!
Most people fall into one of two possible categories of suggestibility
- physical suggestibility or emotional suggestibility. Actually,
every person has characteristics of both, but one or the other is usually
stronger, or dominant. These characteristics have a great deal to do
with how people hear.
While it may not be the best illustration, some hypnotherapy practitioners
consider physical suggestibility to be somewhat parallel to an extrovert
type of personality, while emotional suggestibility relates more to
the introvert type. The point is that people tend to listen in accordance
with their personality make-ups. People hear in the same manner in which
they speak. Those with opposing types of suggestibilities have more
difficulties with communication.
One couple recently came into a hypnotherapy office to discuss serious
relationship problems. The husband proved to be a real loudmouth, shouting
at his wife as well as the therapist. When his shy and gently wife asked
him if we could discuss this matter quietly, he simply continued to
shout. He didn’t hear her request. And she certainly was not hearing
(in the sense of comprehending) his message. The therapist asked the
husband to speak more softly. The shouting continued. Finally the therapist
shouted in an equally loud voice: “Now just shut up for a while
or get out!”
There was the possibility, of course, that the client would become angry,
get up and walk out - a calculated risk. However the husband looked
around sharply and asked, “Was I speaking too loudly?”.
He had no idea how he sounded. His nature was to speak loudly, and when
his wife trying to avoid what she felt would be a confrontation) failed
to reply, he assumed she was not hearing him and shouted even more loudly.
Suggestibility Can Be Altered
After explaining the communications problems - the wife could not respond
to loudness and the husband was indifferent to softer language - the
two were hypnotized sitting side by side. They were regressed to the
early days of their marriage, allowed to feel again the sensations,
caring feelings an love that existed in the beginning. They were programmed
to understand and even modify their modes of listening and communication.
Finally, under hypnosis, the husband was instructed to reach over, take
his wife’s hand, while both of them re-lived the experience of
early love.
The hypnotherapist estimated that five or six sessions would be necessary
to resolve the feelings, modify the suggestibility and establish solid
communication. The clients cancelled their second appointment, advising
that they had re-discovered each other, and considered the problem resolved.
It is important to remember that each person receives messages in much
the same mode that is used to send them. Considering the attraction
of opposites, it is not to be unexpected that physically suggestible
people often marry emotionally suggestible partners. As the initial
newness and tenderness fades with passing time, the tendency grows to
revert to the mode which is characteristic for th e suggestibility type.
Communication problems become virtually inevitable. Problems understandably
can increase further with the realization that people, in addition to
physical or emotional suggestibility, are affected by the existence
of physical and emotional sexuality.
Sexuality vs. Suggestibility
Suggestibility reflects learning characteristics. Sexuality reflects
performing characteristics (sexual or otherwise). Where partners have
apparent sexual incompatibility, an evaluation of sexuality type is
warranted. Where the types of sexuality differ dramatically, response
tendencies tend to create problems.
In the effort to avoid hurt, confusion or conflict, an individual may
consciously alter either sexual or suggestible behavior and develop
incongruent behavior (where suggestibility is in the unnatural position
of being opposite to the person’s sexuality). This can create
confusion and communication breakdown resulting in severe relationship
conflicts plus inner turmoil within the individual exhibiting the incongruent
behavior.
Hypnotherapy can measure both sexuality and suggestibility, and where differences are relatively minimal, partners usually will
have enough flexibility to maintain balance and communication through
periods of stress or upheaval. Where one partner, for example, is 80%
physical and the other is 80% emotional, difficulties are reasonable
predictable.
Therapy may consist of measuring suggestibility and sexuality, seeing
partners individually at first. Otherwise the participants may disagree
on the evaluations, since they will see responses differently. Subsequently
the partners may be seen together, at which time suggestibility and
sexuality may be explained , so that partners understand why they see
or hear things differently, discussing the literal style of the physical
suggestible and the inferential style of the emotionally suggestible.
Hypnotherapy can bring understanding of relationship communications,
awareness of the possibilities of modifications of attitudes and suggestibilites
and sexualities, and the importance of and need for creating feelings
of confidence and security in and regarding the relationship itself. |
